After everyone trapped themselves in a skyscraper in The Walking Dead, I decided it’s time we all know the 5 places we SHOULDN’T GO in a zombie apocalypse.
One thing I noticed in the last episode of The Walking Dead season 10 was how everyone from Alexandria, Hilltop, and Oceanside all crowded into a large skyscraper somewhere away from their respective communities, trying to hide out from Beta and the Whisperers. As I sat there, watching the episode unfold, culminating with Beta, the Whisperers, and Beta’s new horde marching up to the skyscraper, I distinctly remember thinking: “WHAT THE HELL WERE DOING HIDING IN A F___ING SKYSCRAPER?!? IT’S A DEATHTRAP!!!!!!“
…I think that was a perfectly reasonable response, all things considered.
But, that got me thinking about why the skyscraper was such a terrible place to go to in the first place, and then, what other places you should avoid (Or, at least, not set up as your base) in a zombie apocalypse.
What will be my criteria for this? Oh, it’ll be real simple: If it’s got the potential to be an inescapable deathtrap, it’s going on the list!
1) Malls
Ever since George A. Romero’s seminal Dawn Of The Dead, people have associated zombies with malls. They go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Because of this, we’ve seen many of the ways that malls can prove to be a terrible idea in a zombie apocalypse, but, for the sake of fairness, I’ll go over why people might go to one in the first place, and then, explain why it’s such a bad idea.
Well, to begin with, if you’re looking for supplies, there’s a fairly good chance that malls will have a great many of the things you’re looking for. For example: If there are any culinary stores, department stores, hardware stores, or sporting goods stores, there’s probably plenty of potential weapons crowding the shelves — Knives, cleavers, axes, crowbars, baseball bats, hatchets, hammers, hockey sticks, maybe even guns — so, I can see the appeal. Along with weapons, you may find food in some of the stores and restaurants (If you get there before everything spoils without electricity to keep it refrigerated, of course), so, again, there are reasons a person might go to a mall in the apocalypse.
However, there are a few of problems with malls as bases in a zombie apocalypse, and they’re pretty big.
First of all, being that people, generally, gather in big crowds at malls, you run a pretty big risk, should you go to one, of being met by a big crowd…of zombies. The last thing you need is to have dozens, maybe even hundreds of zombies chasing you around.
Second…well, let me ask you: What is one common feature of malls? Any guesses? How about parking lots. Huge parking lots for hundreds of yards in every direction. Why is this a problem? Well, the food you might find at malls (Which I mentioned earlier) is going to be limited. Even if you get there at the beginning of the outbreak, when the food will have the longest shelf life, it still won’t last you that long. What happens after that? You’ll grow crops out of the asphalt? I don’t think so. If you stay at a mall long enough, you’ll either run out of food or water, and just wind up either bailing…or starving.
Third, because of all those parking lots, yeah, you can see threats coming, but, if you’re committed to staying there, those open spaces (To say nothing of the many glass doors malls have) provide no protection. If enough zombies start crowding the doors and banging away on them, they’ll draw more zombies, who’ll draw even more, and, before you know it, they’re doing a full-blown siege on you. At that point, your base becomes your prison.
And, finally, if the dead (Or hostiles, for that matter) break into your mall…how are you going to get out? If you’re lucky, the upper level may boast access to a street…may, but, if it doesn’t…where are you going to go? I’ve worked in a mall, the area behind the storefronts is a nightmare to try to navigate, and, sure, you can learn it if you’re there long enough (Assuming it isn’t overrun with zombies, too), but, I’ll bet dollars to donuts that, if there is an exit, it’s probably guarded by an electronic garage door or grate meant to protect armored cars coming to pick up or deliver cash. With there probably being no electricity to move the thing, how, do you suppose, you’re going to get through that?
Take my advice: Visit the mall all you like in the apocalypse, but, if you think you’re going to live there, you’re out of your mind.
2) Basements and Cellars
Depending on where you are, most houses in your area probably have some kind of cellar, whether it’s as a finished room, a storm shelter, a storage area, or something else, it’s still a basement/cellar. Normally, these are perfectly fine for whatever function they serve, but, in a zombie apocalypse, you absolutely do not want to be relying on them to protect you from the dead.
The reason for this is simple: Most basements or cellars that I’ve been in have one way in and one way out. Even if yours doesn’t…the secondary exit is mostly like right next to the outside of the house, and, if you’re being forced to rely on it, that probably means you’re being swamped by zombies, who are probably also surrounding the house! If you come out of the bulkhead (Assuming zombies aren’t on top of it), you’re going to run straight into who knows how many zombies!
If you’re lucky, a few people might be able to fight their way through, but, if you’ve got a group of maybe six or more people…what the hell’s going to happen to the rest of them? I can just picture the first two people getting through, but, the others forced back inside as the rest of the zombies outside come tumbling down the stairs and flood the basement!
It’s a deathtrap. Plain and simple. If a house you’re staying in is about to be broken into by a swarm of zombies, you’re better off trying to break through that swarm than going into the basement. At least that way, you know what’s waiting for you.
3) Subway Stations
I’m specifically talking about underground subway stations here, before anyone goes off about above-ground stations that are part of a subway line in various cities, just so we’re all on the same page.
Now that we are on the same page, let me explain why subway stations are such a bad place to hole up in a zombie apocalypse.
Right off the bat, there’s a good chance that food is going to become an issue really quick, as, with the exception of a few vending machines, popcorn or hotdog carts, and the odd subway station beneath a mall, there’s not going to be much in the way of food. Sure, you can scavenge the buildings around the area, but, those buildings will only have so much for so long, and worse, going out can compromise the one great advantage of a subway station: Inconspicuousness. The more you go out, the more likely that zombies or potential hostiles can follow you back or otherwise figure out where your base is.
Next, if there’s a bad storm, you might find yourself completely inundated, forcing you out into the open, which, if you’re in a large city (And, most underground subway stations are), that means you’re likely very exposed to huge numbers of zombies!
Lastly, even though there may be multiple ways out of a subway station, the most likely being the tunnels heading inbound/outbound, those same tunnels can be used by the very zombies you’d be trying to escape from. In all of these scenarios, I’m imagining that you are (Rather unexpectedly) set upon by a large herd of zombies, and need to make a quick getaway, but, in a subway station, depending on where you are, chances are good that the herd you’re being attacked by may already be waiting for you at the next station or, even worse, inside the pitch black darkness of the tunnels. In Boston, for example, there are some subway stations only separated by a few blocks, it’s entirely plausible that a herd that’s attacking you at Park Street…is also waiting for you at Downtown Crossing! Assuming there weren’t any zombies in the tunnels, you might run away from a herd of zombies, only to run into the back end of that same herd of zombies!
If you have to make a go of surviving in a city in the zombie apocalypse, try finding a better place to stay than a subway station.
Speaking of cities…
4) Skyscrapers
Ah, the thing that started all of this in the first place!
I think I can keep this one pretty short and sweet…I think.
The problem with skyscrapers is quite simple: If you lose control of the first two floors, you have nowhere to go but…up.
Is it really that difficult to imagine, in a circumstance like we saw on the latest episode of The Walking Dead, that the dead could push you out of the first two floors? I don’t think so, in fact, if the dead had numbers like what Beta brought to the table, I think that scenario would be quite easy to imagine!
…And then what? Where do you go from there?
“You go up! Duh!” I can hear some of you saying, and, while that’s true, eventually, you’re going to run out of floors. What’s the next step, then? FLY?!
NO! Your next step at that point is…you get eaten. The end.
Since I doubt the finale of this season is the series finale of The Walking Dead, I’m certain the group will get some kind of reprieve, but, in a real scenario like that, barring a miracle, they’d be doomed.
THIS is why you NEVER make a skyscraper your base in a zombie apocalypse. EVER.
5) Hospitals
A lot of people don’t like going to hospitals because, to them, it’s the place people go to die. Well, in a zombie apocalypse, if you make it your base, there’s a pretty good chance…it would be.
Many hospitals suffer some the same problems as skyscrapers: Many of them are several stories tall, and found in major cities. The big difference between them and skyscrapers is the fact that, in the zombie apocalypse, there’s a good chance that skyscrapers won’t have that many people in them, hospitals, on the other hand, will.
It makes perfect sense: If lots of people are getting sick mysteriously, or are being badly wounded by some “crazy” people biting them, where are they going to go? That’s right, the hospital. This means that, in short order, most hospitals are going to become epicenters for zombies, as the bitten turn, bite more people, and those people, inevitably, turn themselves.
So, if you’re fortunate enough to get to a hospital after that chaos, you’re going to open the doors and probably find a hundred hungry zombies waiting for you on the other side. I hope you have good sneakers…
Now, it makes perfect sense why someone might want to go to a hospital in the apocalypse — There’s medical supplies and equipment there, lots of room if you have a large group, a nice, sturdy building — but, you may not even be able to get inside safely, never mind stay there on a permanent basis. Even if you did, like I said before: Hospitals often have the same problem as skyscrapers. If you lose the bottom two floors, you may have no means of escaping and, even rural hospitals, while they may not have the tightly packed zombies around, the way an urban hospital might, they’d be so large that defending your perimeter might prove impossible!
If you have to got the hospital in a zombie apocalypse, just get as many supplies as you can carry and get out of there as soon as possible or, the hospital might just become the place you go to die.
You may not be able to choose where you make your base in a zombie apocalypse, but, if you are stuck in any of these, you need to get out as soon as you can. These places are deathtraps, and, the longer you stay in them, the more likely you are to find that out.
And that is our Survival Rule(s) Of The Week! Think of this like your zombie apocalypse real estate guide. Hopefully, you now know what places don’t make a home. If you like this and want to find out more tips to survive the zombie apocalypse, why not pick up a copy of my book, The Rules: A Guide To Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse! You can also get it at Amazon here, on iTunes here!