The Walking Dead: Top 5 places you shouldn’t go

1) Malls

Ever since George A. Romero’s seminal Dawn Of The Dead, people have associated zombies with malls. They go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Because of this, we’ve seen many of the ways that malls can prove to be a terrible idea in a zombie apocalypse, but, for the sake of fairness, I’ll go over why people might go to one in the first place, and then, explain why it’s such a bad idea.

Well, to begin with, if you’re looking for supplies, there’s a fairly good chance that malls will have a great many of the things you’re looking for. For example: If there are any culinary stores, department stores, hardware stores, or sporting goods stores, there’s probably plenty of potential weapons crowding the shelves — Knives, cleavers, axes, crowbars, baseball bats, hatchets, hammers, hockey sticks, maybe even guns — so, I can see the appeal. Along with weapons, you may find food in some of the stores and restaurants (If you get there before everything spoils without electricity to keep it refrigerated, of course), so, again, there are reasons a person might go to a mall in the apocalypse.

However, there are a few of problems with malls as bases in a zombie apocalypse, and they’re pretty big.

First of all, being that people, generally, gather in big crowds at malls, you run a pretty big risk, should you go to one, of being met by a big crowd…of zombies. The last thing you need is to have dozens, maybe even hundreds of zombies chasing you around.

Second…well, let me ask you: What is one common feature of malls? Any guesses? How about parking lots. Huge parking lots for hundreds of yards in every direction. Why is this a problem? Well, the food you might find at malls (Which I mentioned earlier) is going to be limited. Even if you get there at the beginning of the outbreak, when the food will have the longest shelf life, it still won’t last you that long. What happens after that? You’ll grow crops out of the asphalt? I don’t think so. If you stay at a mall long enough, you’ll either run out of food or water, and just wind up either bailing…or starving.

Third, because of all those parking lots, yeah, you can see threats coming, but, if you’re committed to staying there, those open spaces (To say nothing of the many glass doors malls have) provide no protection. If enough zombies start crowding the doors and banging away on them, they’ll draw more zombies, who’ll draw even more, and, before you know it, they’re doing a full-blown siege on you. At that point, your base becomes your prison.

And, finally, if the dead (Or hostiles, for that matter) break into your mall…how are you going to get out? If you’re lucky, the upper level may boast access to a street…may, but, if it doesn’t…where are you going to go? I’ve worked in a mall, the area behind the storefronts is a nightmare to try to navigate, and, sure, you can learn it if you’re there long enough (Assuming it isn’t overrun with zombies, too), but, I’ll bet dollars to donuts that, if there is an exit, it’s probably guarded by an electronic garage door or grate meant to protect armored cars coming to pick up or deliver cash. With there probably being no electricity to move the thing, how, do you suppose, you’re going to get through that?

Take my advice: Visit the mall all you like in the apocalypse, but, if you think you’re going to live there, you’re out of your mind.