Boston Would Be TERRIBLE In The Walking Dead

4) How Are You Supposed To Get Out Of Boston?

My mom (Also a Bostonian) has always said that Boston is a “walking city,” i.e., it’s compact enough that you can often find walking to be your best means of getting from one part of the city to another. Part of the reason she’s always said this is because, at certain times of day, taking the subways or buses (“The T”) is, well, let’s just say it’s the equivalent of a dozen monkeys attempting to make love to a football.

I legitimately cannot count the number of times I’ve had to wait upwards of twenty minutes or more to get on a train that isn’t crammed to the gills with people. Now, you could argue, “Of course it takes a while to catch a train at rush hour or after a Red Sox game, those are the busiest times of the day!” and, you’d be right, but, do you think it would be better in a zombie apocalypse? Of course not! And, what the hell are the poor people trapped on the platforms supposed to do when a completely crowded train zooms past them, assuming any train stops for them? Just sit there and wait for the dead to come down the stairs and wash over them?

As for the people on The T? Well, on the one hand, our trains have bench seats, giving you more room to move inside the train (Assuming there is room) than places which have seats perpendicular to the sides of the train (I think DC’s trains are like that), but…people would still be stuck on a train with zombies potentially on it. If you’re on a subway car in Boston that’s moving, you’re stuck there until it stops; there’s no moving between cars as you have in some other cities, meaning you may have to wait at least a few minutes inside a train car with zombies, and, for all you know, the platform might be filled with them, too!

What other options do you have? The ferry? Okay, but…if you’ve got a bunch of zombies on one, you’ve got a choice of either trying to fight them with who knows what or taking a swim in the harbor and hoping you make it back to land before the zombies take over everything!

For the city to survive, you need survivors. How you’ll get those survivors, with all your means of escape compromised by the dead, I don’t know.