The Walking Dead: Looking back at Carol’s emotional journey

Carol Peletier seems to have made a backslide after turning into Terminator Carol in season 5 of The Walking Dead. Is it really that surprising or abrupt?

Carol’s emotional journey started, of course, back at the beginning when she apologized to Shane for Ed’s fire in the camp in the quarry. And then we found out from Jacqui that Ed hit her when the girls were enjoying some conversation at the river washing clothes and Shane stepped in again with Carol finding it necessary to stand by her beat up husband for fear that she’d be beat up for not standing by him.

Carol was freed from Ed by the walkers and released some of her pain on his dead body so she could rise from the dead as a living walker. The walkers gave her and Sophia a chance to start a new life without being controlled by Ed, but they were controlled by the walkers now and the fear and scars that had been left by Ed.

Just when she had a chance with her daughter, Sophia was lost in the woods. Forced out of her life by new beasts. Even Rick Grimes, this hero of a man who was the picture of a great dad and the opposite of Ed, couldn’t save her daughter. Everything she probably ever dreamed about a man of honor and a good husband being the answer was dashed. Her dreams were still nightmares.

Related Story: Tracey's love letter to Carol

Maybe Daryl was a man of honor? He searched for Sophia. But he was as prickly as the Cherokee rose he brought her. He was Carol, but as a son, not a wife. At the prison, she found herself. She didn’t look for a man of honor to lead them. She was part of the council. She decided that she had to block everything out to be strong.

She told Lizzie how to do it. You fight and you fight and then you just change. As with many people who take on new habits and become reformed, she became impatient with those around her who were in her position from before. Instead of having empathy, she became a preacher of sorts. A reformed smoker or alcoholic who has no patience or memory of how tough it was to quit. A born again fighter.

Perhaps she thought that if someone were there to tell her not to be weak that Sophia would be alive. But it’s not that simple. She told LIzzie she was weak and expected Lizzie to just become strong. She tried to tell Mika that running was not good enough. But Mika and LIzzie still died. Warning them wasn’t enough.

She told Rick that Sophia was someone else’s slide show. That’s as cold as it gets. She had no patience with Sam and Ana. She just told them they had knives and they should be able to kill the walkers with the knives. She was exasperated by Tyreese’s hesitance to kill the walkers.

She tried again with Sam in Alexandria. Warn him about the walkers the way the fairy tales warned children about the big bad wolf in the woods. Save him from Pete and save him from the walkers. Cut herself off from loving him. But she did love him. And he loved her. He was a little Daryl.

The killing machine Carol that people fell in love with in season 5 at Terminus was the start of the Carol that thought that she had to completely bury her emotions to help those she loved. But emotions can’t be buried. They claw their way out just like walkers from the mud.

Carol’s tears were the walker fingers of emotion clawing their way out every time she tried to bury them. Carol is not a machine. Carol is a human. Carol is not a walker. Carol is a human. She cried when she saw Mika. She cried when she killed Lizzie. She cried when she saw Rick and Daryl after saving them. She cried when Beth died.

She cried when Mrs. Neudermeyer was killed. She cried when she killed her friend who loved her cola canned ham. She cried when she fought with Morgan. She cried when she killed Molly and Paula. She cried when she killed the Saviors with the gun up her sleeve. Cold-blooded killers don’t cry. The Governor didn’t cry. Gareth didn’t cry. Negan doesn’t cry.

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Morgan didn’t break Carol. Morgan didn’t push her to a breaking point. Morgan helped Carol. Carol hated Morgan because he was a mirror. She didn’t want to look in the mirror. Morgan had been where she had. He had begged people to kill him. Morgan didn’t have friends to kill for when he lost his family so he just killed indiscriminately. He cleared.

Carol killed with purpose so she didn’t look crazy like Morgan. But it was the same thing. Neither had support from friends. Morgan was isolated and alone. Carol appeared to need no help. She was invisible. She seemed as happy as the floral sweaters she wore. But she was not a happy killer. No good person is a happy killer.

Next: Carol and Morgan need The Kingdom and each other

When I say that Carol needs Morgan, I mean that she needs emotional support. When Maggie kills and cries to Glenn that she can’t do it anymore, people feel for her. When Carol cries and tells Daryl she’s not okay, people blame Morgan that she’s gone soft. Carol needs emotional support. She hasn’t gone soft.

Please give Carol the support that she needs to stay strong and adopt Morgan’s new philosophy of the “wrong that doesn’t pull us down” and lift Carol back up in season 7 at the Kingdom.