Calling all prospective Mrs. Reeduses, would you go to a Norman Reedus-only convention? An entire convention celebrating Daryl and Daryl alone. Be honest.
Day 1 of ReedusCon:
Imagine the competition. Fangirls and divorcees alike lining up by the thousands (if not millions) waiting for Reedus to show up at his autograph booth. Smiling rivals pretend to be your friend at this point. All sharing stories of the one time Norman Reedus followed them on Twitter or kind of looked at them as he was leaving, or that one special time he asked where the exit was. Trying to work your guard down.
Yet, you know better. You put up your tent for the night and wait for tomorrow morning 9am sharp when Norman is set to arrive. A new ‘friend’ from the line asks if you can wake her up because her phone ran out of battery. She mentions not having a watch. You say yes… There are no plans to wake her up.
Day 2 of ReedusCon:
You end up not sleeping and watching a loop of Daryl carrying Beth out of the building with Beth’s face covered with a photo of you. “She doesn’t deserve to be carried, it should have been me!”, you think. You suddenly hear a shriek, could it be??? You quickly apply last second mascara and step out of the tent. No. Just a false alarm. Then it happens! Norman walks in the convention hall and it’s all anarchy, every woman for themselves. All charging the booth rhino style, pushing aside other challengers. Every former comrade turned adversary.
All for that one time opportunity of becoming Mrs. Reedus, kind of like becoming an English princess, marrying into royalty. Security begs for peace but it’s of no use. The younger crowd settle for taking selfies of themselves where Reedus can be seen fleeing in the corner. #FutureMrsReedus is the hashtag posted to Instagram. Meanwhile, the later age ones promise they’ll do anything, “Just one date, I swear Norman!” as security withdraws in fear.
Then a challenger appears. That’s right Emily Kinney from out of nowhere rescues Reedus and carries him out of the convention hall. Much to the disdain of all involved. Kinney gets unfollowed by her entire female fanbase that day.
Day 3 of ReedusCon:
The convention hall has been set ablaze as prospective Reedus Brides protest across the city in the aftermath. Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman tries to explain to the crowd that Norman wasn’t even in the comic, what’s the big deal? There’s complete silence for a moment. Minutes later, Kirkman escapes on a Helicopter. Complete chaos sets in now. The Governor calls a state of emergency but it’s already too late.
Day 4 of ReedusCon:
The Reedus Brides-to be find the security and crew from the convention hall and put them to trial for denying them a photo-op with Norman Reedus. They are sentenced to a nice cool stay in a Siberian prison. For life.
ReedusCon, coming to your town. Rated R.
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